Services: Dial DIR-ECT-IONS
Just call 347-328-4667, intone your starting point and destination, and MapQuest will shoot back a text with free driving directions. Your destination can be an address, select business, or even a local event (a godsend for weekend Dukes towing their just-completed siege towers from Home Depot to an unsuspecting Renaissance Faire).
Currently available in nine metro areas; see if yours is covered at DialDirections.com

Gear: Snooze City Pillowcases
The grown-up version of Ninja Turtle sheet-sets, SCPs come emblazoned with '80s-vintage ghetto blasters, silhouetted mud-flap girls, and a pot leaf -- earthly distractions your ever-demanding Splinter bedspread will not be pleased with.
Buy at Snooze City

Drinks: Lush Life Ice Luge Mold
To recreate college, fill mold with water, place in freezer, and 24 hours later you'll have a dual-tracked booze luge that'll get freshmen wasted, and give your empty ice cube trays a role model they can be proud of.
Get the Lush Life Ice Luge Mold

Gear: Cartel NYC
Promulgating their mission statement "Create and Destroy as One", Cartel's rolled out a line of subversive t-shirts, including a wolf-emblazoned shout-out to the Stones' Altamont concert and an AK-47-toting chimp -- because nobody tells Bonzo when it's bedtime.
Pick up Cartel NYC Tees

Eye Opening Clocks: Poodwaddle World Clock
Gape at the estimated number of dreadful things (human deaths/species going extinct/marriages) that've occurred in the last year, month, week, or day. Or, click the "now" button to reset, and you can ridicule Leprosy's meager infection rates, then shudder to realize it's still possible to catch leprosy.
Watch the world crumble with the Poodwaddle World Clock